This turned out to be really, super long, but at least you can't say I'm not thorough.
I’d like to start this post off with a confession. I’ve been dreading this question since the moment I started this thirty day blog challenge. The optimistic side of me kept reminding myself that I still had a long time to think about this post and that there was no need to stress over it now. Well now here it is, day 12, and I’m still not fully confident in what I’m about to write.
Tyler is currently away on business, so I thought about writing this letter to him out of pure jealousy for not being able to go with him. Who does he think is going to smash my spiders while he is gone anyway? Ugh. But no… that’s not quite what I’m looking for.
The next few that I thought of were quite personal and probably not totally appropriate to discuss online unless I kept my writing vague, which always annoys me as a reader. So that idea went out the window about as soon as it flew in.
Believe it or not, I even thought about writing a note to that naughty little two year old boy who bit me on the head WAY back when I was in nursery and made me bawl my eyes out and hate him for several years afterward. I still remember that. Never mess with a redhead’s temper; even a three year old redhead. A note like that would surely be comical to write and to read.
In the end I decided to take this post as seriously without being too serious as possible and this is what I’ve settled on:
A friend once told me that every good wife has had her heart broken in the past. Sadly, I can’t remember how it was originally worded, but basically the claim was made that you can’t be a phenomenal wife until you know what it feels like to have your heart broken. While I made some comments about it in jest at the time, I’ve thought more about it and have decided that in some ways this may actually be true. At least in my case, the heartbreaking experience I went through made me a better person. So for this post, I’m going to write a note to the boy who broke my heart. Gosh this is going to be interesting.
Dear Heartbreaker
(you didn’t really think I would use his real name did you?),
If I were to have written this letter six or so years ago, my tone would have been very different. It probably would have included hints of rage, guilt, confusion, and sadness. But who wants to read about that? Not me. For this very reason, I am thankful that I am just now getting around to writing to you. Because the truth is, all of those emotions are gone now. I still think you were pretty foolish, but for that matter so was I. So why don’t we set those emotions aside and I’ll tell you what I’m feeling now, years later.
You broke my heart. Many tears and arguments with friends and self esteem breakdowns resulted in my part because of your actions. But through the process of mending my heart back together, I learned things about myself and about love that I might not have discovered otherwise.
First and perhaps most importantly I learned that forgiveness is hard, but always possible if we set our minds to it. I honestly believe that any couple who calls it quits, has done so purely because they’ve given up. While there are exceptions to every rule, most couples who experience problems can make their way through those problems together and come out stronger if they put their minds to it.
Second, I learned not to involve others in personal arguments or disagreements. When I’m unhappy with my husband, I do not run to my parents and tell them all about the things he has done to upset me. Because ultimately, he and I work things out and my parents, who were not there for the makeup, are left offended and withdrawn. This is one lesson I never had to learn as a newly married wife because you had already taught me and I will always be grateful for that.
Third, I learned that I have worth. It’s no secret that my self esteem suffered while we were together. However the moment I began dating the field after our separation of sorts, I figured out that I was actually quite a catch. After you left I had roses and chocolates and gifts delivered to me at work and home on a regular basis by other would-be suitors. I was asked out on dates every weekend, even attending multiple dates within a 24 hour period many times. I’m not saying any of this to brag or to convince you that I’m a good catch, I’m just making a point. Suddenly I discovered that I was beautiful or attractive/desirable in one form or another and having experienced what it was like to feel the opposite, I appreciated it all the more. It was something I needed to experience in order to feel confident in selecting a husband. And believe me, I learned it well because I’ve got the best husband in the entire world. He is sweet and kind and respectful to me and always reminds me of how very much I am worth to him.
Fourth, you taught me about the hurt that can be caused through dishonesty and disloyalty. Having experienced that hurt, there is no way that I will ever be able to do that to another person. Most people already understand this concept but for me, true and full understanding came only through experience. This was an important understanding for me to come to and I’ll never forget it the rest of my life.
You also taught me a skill that I appreciate more and more each day. Remember how I used to worry about what others were thinking about me? I’m not like that anymore. I’m perfectly fine with making a fool of myself in public when the need arises and boy did that take a lot of stress out of my life!
Lastly, I learned that people can set aside their differences and learn to appreciate one another for who they are. Let’s face it, you and I were totally different. And yet, we made it work for a while and I never saw that coming. Now when I meet people who seem very unlike the types of people I would ordinarily socialize with, I don’t hesitate. Who cares if they like different things than I do or behave a different way or dress differently? We’re all children of our heavenly father and we all have something lovely to bring to the table.
And now that I’ve written way more than I ever planned on, I’ll bid you goodbye. I sincerely hope that you are well and that you are truly happy. I look forward to bumping into you in the future when we can exchange hellos and laugh about old times and call each other friends.
Thank you for making me the wife I am today,
Me
P.S. My husband is way cuter than you.
